This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
