I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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