Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She bit a glass in half.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
