Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
