I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
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