meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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