OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
