I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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