Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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