You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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