my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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