Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.