Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
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At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
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he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.