i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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