when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
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Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms