True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
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I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.