The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.