just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
