from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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