Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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