Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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