Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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