I'm really into asian looking animals
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
