I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
