his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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