Where is the hickey?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
