I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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