There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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