i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
