Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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