Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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