So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
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Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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