drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
