I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
