Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
