I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
