I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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