Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
