U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
