can u get pink eye on your cock?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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