I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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