All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
