I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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