I am in a vortex of obligation.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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