Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
