the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
