What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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