He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
