And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
All I want is dick and wine.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
