and you said cock pushups were impossible
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
