Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
