Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
