Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
