found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
