well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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