you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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