imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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