You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
