I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
