First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
