Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize