So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
