he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
