Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
