It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
