She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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