google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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