i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.