does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.