So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
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I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
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I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.