she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?