I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
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I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.