totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.