When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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