weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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