i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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