You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
